Day 171- “If that’s the worst thing that happens to you, consider yourself lucky.”

Do you have a personal mantra that pulls you out of a funk? Well, the above is mine.

Try it. It works for all sorts of situations.

Today I used it on myself because I’m grumpy my husband won’t ever dance with me anymore. We went to see his aunt and uncle play in their band and it was great fun! Except for the part where my man has his butt glued to his seat and REFUSES to dance even one dance with me.

Now I know that many men aren’t dancers, but WE WERE DANCERS!!!! We took lessons for many years and even competed a few times! This was a MAJOR part of our dating relationship, and as soon as we said “I do” he instantly started saying “I don’t” (dance that is.)

This has been a serious disappointment for me.

We’ve been married nearly 10 years and he’ll spin me around once in awhile in the house and such. Occasionally he likes to show off his skillz in front of the children. But he won’t take me dancing. Ever. And if there is music playing somewhere else, I have to go it solo on the dance floor with a bunch of other women, knowing I have the perfect partner right there.

After one of these episodes, I get sad. And resentful. I start projecting my life until I’m dead and wonder “So? I guess I’m not going to get to go dancing ever again in my entire LIFE?” Since it’s been ten years and all, what’s to say his willingness will ever change? It probably won’t.

He says he gets shy. I have a hard time understanding.

“Well if that’s the worst thing that happens to you, consider yourself lucky.”

As much as I miss this part of my life and our relationship, I suppose if I have to try and accept this as the worst thing, then I’m a lucky person indeed. He’s kind. And faithful. A good provider. A good father. A steady man. He’ll pitch in around the house. He can handle himself in the kitchen. He takes care of his health. He goes to church and lives by morals.

The next time we go out anywhere with music I’m going to try my hardest to just enjoy the music without getting upset about the no dancing. And if I do feel upset (because I always seem to) I know that I have the above mantra to help me get over it.

Have a wonderful day!



Filed under A Year in Skirts, Thoughts on Stuff

5 responses to “Day 171- “If that’s the worst thing that happens to you, consider yourself lucky.”

  1. Yep. Mine isn’t so much a mantra as a verse, though. When Troy and I had been married a couple of years and we were coming up on our first Navy move as a married couple, I was getting increasingly anxious and just wanted to KNOW where we were moving. I hated not knowing what was going to happen. Then, in a women’s Bible study I was part of, we decided to challenge ourselves to memorize the entire chapter of James 4. The first time I read it through, James 4:13-15 jumped out at me like it was in flashing neon with a sign pointing to it that said, “Bethany, you dummy, PAY ATTENTION.” It’s been a theme of mine as a Navy wife over the years, a verse I come back to again and again. I’m thankful God has taught me to be patient and trust Him. 🙂

    “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” – James 4:13-15

  2. Mine won’t dance either. Unlike yours, he never did – so much so that the night we met, I asked him to dance and he turned me down. Our first dance wedding song was even “I Won’t Dance.” It still hurts though, so I can’t imagine how you feel. 😦 Frankie will cheer you up!

  3. Anabelle

    Like you, dancing used to be a huuuuge part of my life. Like, we danced every single day. Everyone we knew were dancers and all the parties we went to were dance parties.
    To dance (well) with someone you love is so amazingly special. Its such an intimate connection. You follow his lead without even consciously thinking about it. You move together as one. Your bodies are in time, in unison, on the beat, connected mentally and physically like you rarely are at any other time.
    Every time you go out and your husband wont dance with you, its like he is refusing to connect with you on this intimate level. Of course you are grieving about this. Please don’t minimise your grief.
    If he decided never to have sexual relations with you again, you could say “oh well, worse things could happen” but it would still legitimately be a great sorrow in your life.
    This really isn’t so different. Your grief reaction and the resentment that lingers for days and makes you wonder if you will ever get to dance again in your life shows that deep down you know this isnt just a trivial social dance refusal. Maybe that’s all it is for him – but for you it matters.
    As stranger on the other side of this planet who has grown to care for you through your thoughtful bog, I hope and pray that you may be able to open your heart to your husband and explain how important this is to you, and that he may be able to get over whatever his blockage is and at least dance with you in the privacy of your home.

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